Friday, October 31, 2008

** i dont mean to be so.


WARNING.!
you can skip this post if you are not into my emo-ness. i'm just complaining. and nothing you can do about this. so just dont read if u dont want to.


i'm jealous-
YES very much i am.

i'm devastated-
YES i am.

i'm sad-
YES i am AGAIN.

it's time for me to give up-
I GUESS SO.



i'm so used to being walk-out on. it became a norm and i'm numb with it. but no matter what is it, it still hurts. i'm still just a human. people mught come and tell me it's ok and im just thinking too much. yet, it still hurts. word might be easy to be spoken but the pain only i can feel it. one after another and each time when i wanna give up, it just seems to be gotten better and i gave in AGAIN. and over and over again it came to the same conclusion. the conclusion is, I'M HURT again. to this point, i wanna give and and not turn back again. i wish i can do it. hopefully it will be easy. i'm not falling for anyone else. NEVER again i hope. if i do, please DONT hurt me anymore. i will not cry this time. for you are not worth my tears. i'll just stand by and look.

you told me is business but i believe is more than that. you dont need to hide it from me if you have fallen for her. even she's my friend, to me friendship is more important that a lover. one day you might dump me, but i know friends will always back me up. just tell m the TRUTH. dont let me wait. i'm nt sure whether wil you read this but i just wan you to know that i'm disappointed and i' m not looking forward to any explaination anymore. you can say that i'm furious, writting up this post without knowing the full truth, but to me everything is infront of my own eye. i cant be there to watch the episode but to a normal human conscience i can feel that you have fallen for her.

please just let me walk away this time and never turn back. the hurt is too deep. it's been repeated hurt. my heart couldn't endure this anymore. how many time do i have to raise.?? i think it has been more than 5 times.- it's NOT EASY.

just let everything pass by me.~ i will try not to fall any more.!! *SIGH~*
after you read this post, there's no need for anyone of you to come to me and ask, whether i'm alrigth.?
"i'm fine" that will be my answer, eventhou i'm not.
just wait till it passed me.~ it's gonna be alright.. . trust me it will be.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

i'm staying home.

guess what*?
my mum dont allow me to go for the expedition. so, i gotta stay home. sad right.?

aiyo... today is quite a sad day for me lerr.. i actually slept thru the day. dint do anything also. then, i was waiting for some one's message but no sign of it. busy gua.~ .. it's ok. *patientlywaiting* okok.... skip that emo-ness..

hmmm..~~ home sweet home.!! i'm back, back to my bed, my room and MY HOME.!!

oh~!! my dog is pregnant. she kena rape and now she is pregnant. sedih~ but the happy thought is my house gonna have puppies.!! *which i got to find a way to give away* mama sure wont ley me keep the puppies... how sad. so.... hmm.. just wait and see how it goes along la...

sigh~~

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

*topic-less*


Mean Machines 2009 have just ended successfully as i can see la. Lucky thing it dint rain for that 2 day. *praise the Lord!!* Eventhou there's alot turbulance in the organization team itself but, the show came out to be quite successfull. The crowd was good tho. But there are also certain party who are dissapointed with us la. *un-avoid-able senario*. But at the end of the day i did gain some experiences and friendships. -to those who i offended, i'm sorry- 

Today i will be leaving Penang again. I'm going back to Ipoh and after that i would be leaving for Seremban / KL for a X-Youth event. It's gonna be my first time joining in and i believe it's gonna be scary cause my friend, he is gonna leave me and let me go alone. Lucky thing he will be picking me up on Sunday. Hope it wont turn out that bad. lolx. *i admit i'm a chicken* lolx. 

I'll update regarding the camp as soon i return from there k.?

*my tummy is hurting like mad.*

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Oct 14 - one month after i last log-ed in.

ok ok . i know i've abandon-ed my lil' bloggie for almost a month. sorry peeps who did drop-ed by. 

update :

  1. i've been working in Penang for the last 3 weeks. 
  2. .....
  3. guess what ? 
  4. no updates. lolx. *wink*
  5. i'm still ME.. 

oh!! there's one more. i'm playing PET PET. haha.

hmmm.. i also dont know what else i can write. life in Penang not that interesting tho. Monday - Friday = office day. Sat & Sun = lepak day. hahaha. thats all i can conclude la. hehe.

Met new people, made new friends. 

what else..? ? oh.. looking forward to Oct 25-26. Mean Machines 2008 will be happening then. 

who wanna come >!!! ahhaha. it's a northen event. at Juru Autocity. Free Admision. got nice car and chun chicks.!! haha. 

BUT before that. i need to go back Kampar for the exhibition. *sigh* i'm gonna miss the photo shot in Porsche show room!! sad sad. hmmm..

i think thats all le.!! wee.. 

free update again la. haha..

Ninja Me!